Unapologetically ADHD

In the last 4 years, I have found my strength and pride in my ADHD. I am different, and I have always been. There was an event that occurred four years ago (a story for another time, as it’s a bit more sensitive) that set me free and helped me to lean into and own the person I am, for who I am. After the event that happened, I woke up the next day with such a weight off my shoulders, and I began a whole new journey to be unapologetically me. All the years leading up to this, I knew I was different; I just thought differently and functioned differently. Not bad or good, just different. I realized the most obvious thing was that I have a hard time concentrating and focusing on things that bore me. The second thing I learned that set me apart was my ability to absorb information and notice details. I also function much better in chaotic situations than in calm ones. My energy is high. This is the aspect that everyone else notices first; most people hear me before they see me! There are many more aspects, but these are the most significant. I ignored these traits and saw them as negative.

I tried to hide them and fit the mold to be basic. The reality is, I have never been basic. Interestingly, when I took a personality test during my first stint in graduate school, I came out as an introvert. I took it a couple more times, and I was always an introvert. However, when I took it about 4 years ago, which is 14 years after my first test, I was an extrovert. Looking back, I have always been an extrovert; I just didn’t allow myself to be me. I was very critical of myself and how I was supposed to behave. This was driven by the way I was raised; I was to be seen and not heard. I was told that a lot growing up, basically, I was to know my place, and it was to be quiet and nonexistent. This did not build me up to be strong, but instead it tore me down to my bones, where I grew up feeling less than everyone and everything. I struggled internally to fit in and make friends because I was so worried about how I was coming across and just trying ot fit in with everyone. Having ADHD, I put a lot of value on words and relationships, so when someone told me they were going to do something and they didn’t, it hurt. It was a very unhealthy perspective and lacked reality. I grew up broken-hearted at every corner and turn because of this. Looking back, I have one regret: I wish I had just been myself. I firmly believe that I would have had more fun, been less anxious and critical, and, more importantly, enjoyed my formative years. And more importantly, I would have cared less about what others thought of me. Because I handled things differently, having ADHD, my parents tried to put me in a box, and I stayed there for many years, until I opened it and stepped out about 4 years ago. And true to who I am, I bought a pair of fun-loving shoes that were distinctly different from the rest. I have always been a shoe person; I pick my shoes first, then build my outfit, so this was the perfect first step into being unapologetically me.